When I was young I thought I was destined to do great things. I knew there was no way I could live an "average" life and be happy...so I would live an extraordinary life. I would travel throughout Europe, I would write thoughtful and insightful novels, I would...do something.
Well, I have been to Europe a few times, but I haven't done anything close to traveling throughout. And as far as writing thoughtful and insightful novels...that's a big bag of no.
It turns out that I think I am afraid. I'm not certain if I fear success or failure though. What I should have done...or should do...is moved myself to New York or Los Angeles...a city where I could have worked in a much more creative capacity. I guess it's not to late to do so, but how does one just move one's entire life? Could it possibly as easy as just hiring a U-Haul and driving? More importantly, would I find my heart's desire at the end of the ride or I am I just one of those people predisposed to remaining discontent no matter what?
I may have lived half of my life already and I'm afraid to live the next half in the same state of mediocrity. But I am afraid to change.
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2 comments:
Yes. One gets a U-haul, some friends and some pizzas and moves it all in one big ride. Like a band-aid, just rip it right off. It's scary as hell and can be depressing and sad, I'm not going to lie.
Howeve, the beauty of picking NY over LA is that anytime you just feel like going "home", it's just a 2 hour ride away :)
I agree with Liz. You don't want to die saying "what if?" It's scary as hell, but I think your opportunity is knocking right now.
When I was 21, I was pre-engaged, but knew I had too much to do before I settled down. I broke up with him, changed colleges, got on a plane and went to the University of London for a semester. Granted, that was funded by the parents and I was in college (where every day is a party) but it was terrifying. And exhilarating. It was the best thing I ever did for myself. To get up the courage, I read some inspirational bullshit self-help book. It actually helped. The biggest quote I took away was "One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time ".
Now, that was the last thing I did that required any real mettle, so don't think I'm some big self-starter. I just believe in you, and think you have too much talent to be in southern Jersey. Go girl.
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