Last night I grabbed a blue sticky note and write the word "RENT" in super-large capital letters. I stuck it on the inside of my front door. I always have money to pay my rent, I just tend to forget about it. If I don't get a bill in the mail, I always tend to loose track of the days. Hense, the sticky note reminder.
I have to go to New York tomorrow for work. I'd taking Miss Saffron to my mom's in the morning. I keep a sheet in the trunk of my car to lay down in the back seat when I have to put the dog in the car. When I got home from work, I took the sheet out and spread it across the seat. There was a blue sticky note stuck to it.
I pulled the note away from the fabric and read the reminder I once wrote to myself.
The note read:
Next left: Kennedy
That's all that was written on it.
I sad down in the back seat of my own car, on the Saffron-hair encrusted sheet and cried.
Next left: Kennedy
It doesn't sound like much, does it?
I scribbled "Next left: Kennedy" on a blue sticky note as I was running out the door on Andrew's birthday. Running out the door to drive up to North Jersey to see him and take him out to dinner. Running to discover that I was not important enough to make any type of effort for.
And in case you're curious, the note was the very end of the directions to his house. I was pretty happy making that left turn. The right one I made leaving was not as pleasant.
And every turn since has been...kind of like driving blindfolded.
3 comments:
My heart says: I'm so sorry that you are still so blue over this. I understand completely, believe me, but I'm still sorry that you are hurting.
My head says: He's not worth your f-ing tears, burn the post it.
I love you.
The post it is in the recycling.
The sadness creeps up on me at odd times. Most of the time, it's just a nothingness; kind of like in The Neverending Story.
Not sure this will make you feel better, but....
recently, I heard from a couple of people from my past who had hurt me and told me "you either feel it or you don't, and I don't" Turns out, they've never felt it; every relationship they've been in since has been a miserable mess (Both are twice-divorced and miserable.) It was interesting to see this. Keep that in mind. Not everyone is capable of feeling enough about another person PERIOD. It was never about you - it's them.
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