Mellow Yellow

I cannot lie. The last few weeks have been hard to say the very least.

Most of the time I just don't know what to do with myself. A dog takes up a lot of time. And when that dog is gone, all you are left with is the time.

I have spent many evenings just staring into space and hoping I'll fall asleep early.

I have spent every moment missing the smelly, drooling ball of love that followed me around this earth since I was 23 years old.

I have questioned my decision to let her go. I have confident in my decision to let her go. I have cried thinking of her as she lay on the veterinarian's table for the last time, taking her final breath as I held her paw in my hand. I have laughed remembering her running through my mother's backyard as a puppy with her mouth stuffed with the mail she stole from the kitchen table.

Yesterday I gathered her things for the last time. Food, snacks, medicine, stuffed animals, leashes, food bowl, bedding, hair brush, nail clippers. I packed it all, save her collar and favorite toy, and drove it to the Animal Orphanage this afternoon. Other dogs will find sustenance, comfort and a warm place to lay their weary heads through her loss. And that gives me some comfort.

As I drove off, listening to Donovan on the CD player, the song Mellow Yellow eventually came on. I smiled to myself as my eyes slightly watered. "I'm just mad about Saffron..." the song played.

Yes. Yes I am. And I will always be.