08 September 2010

And I Haven't Touched the Water Since...Part One

It’s about 3 a.m. At this very moment I’m in a diner that’s done up in a 1950’s style in Wildwood. Jennifer, Brian, Diane and I came down to see Nick [Salvo]. We met lots of cool people including some boy named Martin from Northfield who gave me his address and his friend, who I called Natalie all night, but now that I think about it, I’m not sure that was her name.

On Saturday, August 7, 2010, I stood alone on the Ocean City boardwalk. Huddled like a criminal with the other smokers, enjoying our two square feet of allotted space, I looked out at the ocean water.

I love the shore, but I’ve never been big on ocean water. It’s the seaweed and the jelly fish and all the other yucky things that grab at you. Blech! However, I wanted to walk along the water. I wanted to close my eyes, feel the breeze blow on my skin and the salt water lap at my ankles.

The next day was Diane’s baby shower and I looked forward to it so much. I couldn’t wait to celebrate this new infant boy with Diane. However, when Diane, Peggy, Jennifer and I get together I sometimes feel this dull pain deep in my heart. It’s a pain due to the fact that I regret the years we wasted when the four of us, and more, drifted apart.

1992 (continued)
Diane and I are sitting on the beach now. I just took a long walk along the edge of the water; it was so relaxing and peaceful. It was as if the water washed everything away for me and drowned every worry and fear. I never imagined something so simple could be so powerful as well. I really don’t know where my place is. I’m searching so hard for answers to questions I don’t even know how to ask.

I remember that walk like it was yesterday. Diane, Jennifer Travis, her boyfriend at the time, Brian, and I went to Ocean City/Wildwood. Not long before, I traded my friend, Abeni, my Doc Marten boots for her combat boots. I remember walking with blisters because although her shoes were the right size, they weren’t mine and didn’t quite fit. The ocean water soothed my sore feet that morning. The calmness enveloped me both physically and emotionally.

Things got rocky that summer. I was 20 years old and my whole life lay in front of me. The unknown of it all frightened me. I was never a girl who flew by the seat of my pants; I was a planner. And I had no plan of action for what was going on.

Diane and I didn't care for Jennifer’s boyfriend and that meant seeing less and less of her until she became a mere acquaintance. If memory serves, Peggy was with Mike Miles and doing her own thing more and more. Sean and I were…were…were near explosive most of the time. And without Sean, there was very little Nicholas around. Stacey was a memory. It was the beginning of the end.

To be continued...

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