For a long time I counted in days how long she was gone. Then in weeks. Every Wednesday was one Wednesday I was further away from her. Now it's in months. Eight months since I held her little paw in one hand and caressed her face with the other as she drew her last breath.
It still hurts, but the pain isn't as sharp as is was in the beginning. Usually.
This morning I was in Wegmans. Half listening to the oldies playing on the sound system I purchased fruit, read the nutritional contents on a packet of rice, stocked up on soups. I thought of Thanksgiving and Christmas and my lovely niece.
I reached for a carton of eggs when it happened. When I went from thinking normal thoughts to wanting to scream at the top of my lungs to turn off the damn music playing in the store.
Hound Dog, by Elvis Presley was playing.
I can't listen to Hound Dog. I can't. I used to sing it to her. One of the workers who put on my mom's new roof sang it to her every day. Lots of people sang it to her.
I wanted to throw the eggs on the floor and stomp my feet like a petulant child. How could all these people just do their food shopping like nothing was wrong? My dog died, for God's sake!
Okay, so I over-reacted emotionally. So sue me. In reality I just put the eggs in my cart and my eyes welled with tears, which I quickly brushed away. I went on...I finished shopping and came home.
And there they were. My cats. My new loves. My second chances. And I am their second chance as well, for they were given away. Those perfect little ones were just given up. But I think they were given up because they belong with me.
That's one of the great things about these silly lives we've been given. Just when you think all hope has been lost and the road has ended, there's a detour you didn't see coming. And it can lead you to a wonderful new place you didn't expect.
It's Blogger Challenge week and the theme is...Thankful. Please check out Cousin Liz's blog and Toni's blog too!
2 comments:
Funny how the grief can sneak up on you like that.
You have two wonderful kitties. And that's coming from a non-cat person. I left your place with a real fondness for Shadow and Cali.
You deserve each other. Mwah!
Totally stealing your title style. Good post. It actually made me well up a little thinking about Saff. Glad everything is working out with you and the kitties. I'm sure they are thankful for you!
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