
I have wondered during the last two days how I would acknowledge my father's passing in my blog.
I have always strived to be as honest as possible when writing this here. There is no point maintaining a blog about your life for almost five years, if you aren't honest about your emotions, no matter how silly, juvenile, disturbed or dark they may be.
I thought about a proper eulogy, but those words aren't coming to me tonight. Perhaps tomorrow; perhaps in years to come.
Instead my mind is filled with a kaleidoscope of memories, twisting and turning into each other and leaving me with many small snippets of the man I knew as Dad. The one thing that stands out more than anything is one of my father's favorite songs when I was a child, Time Passages by Al Stewart.
My Dad was many things, but he was not a singer. But he would sing Time Passages in his off-key voice over and over again, spinning that album so many times I'm stunned the grooves didn't wear away. A few years ago I bought that CD was transported to a simpler time in my life when I listened. To days when The Dukes of Hazzard ruled the TV airwaves, to days when I was reading Judy Blume and blushing, to days when phones had cords.
Because that song represents my childhood and my father to me, the lyrics seem even more poignant now.
The song follows. Have a listen if you like. This song has brought me comfort, laughs, tears and pain in the last two days.
It was late in December, the sky turned to snow
All round the day was going down slow
Night like a river beginning to flow
I felt the beat of my mind go
Drifting into time passages
Years go falling in the fading light
Time passages
Buy me a ticket on the last train home tonight
Well I'm not the kind to live in the past
The years run too short and the days too fast
The things you lean on are the things that don't last
Well it's just now and then my line gets cast into these
Time passages
There's something back here that you left behind
Oh time passages
Buy me a ticket on the last train home tonight
Hear the echoes and feel yourself starting to turn
Don't know why you should feel
That there's something to learn
It's just a game that you play
Well the picture is changing
Now you're part of a crowd
They're laughing at something
And the music's loud
A girl comes towards you
You once used to know
You reach out your hand
But you're all alone, in these
Time passages
I know you're in there, you're just out of sight
Time passages
Buy me a ticket on the last train home tonight
4 comments:
Beautiful! I'm thinking of you and your family.
What you said tonight was honest. And poignant and brave.
I wrote my father's death announcement, and felt honored to do so. What was shocking to me is how little I really knew the man. The whole exercise proved to be a rewarding, cathartic experience.
Thanks for baring your soul. I've shed some tears right along with you sweetie.
Thank you for having the courage and honesty to write this and share your thoughts, Jenn. It was beautifully written and well-thought out, as usual.
Wow - you are an amazing woman! I hope that memories like the ones your share give you comfort.
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