Random thoughts on a Friday Night

I wrote two blogs about two of my friends and now they are gone...the blogs, not the friends. One of the friends, Diane, is quite present. The one, Sean, sort of is in a strange, "communicate via the internet" way. It's not what it was, but it's still good I guess. I try to look at it this way, it's better than not knowing him at all, right? Although I am very selfish and wish we could be the friends we were.

And yes, I am very selfish about my friends. I think I can be a very taxing and smothering friend, as I want to constantly surround myself with the few people I am able to connect with. I think it may stem from my childhood, as I lost my closest friend to a rather violent death when I was ten and she was seven.

Or, I could just be a real pain in the ass. Who knows?

Speaking of friends, I was going to go out with my friend Amy tonight, but that fell through. Now I am sitting at home waiting for my sushi to get here. I am a sushi-aholic. Spicy tuna roll is like Kryptonite to me...I cannot stand strong in the face of it.

Maybe I'll write tonight. I began writing a very personal story last year and it bacame too difficult to deal with, so I cast it aside for a while. It's a fictional tale of the difficult choices adults are presented with on occasion, but it's told in flashbacks to when the characters were young. All the characters are based on people I know, and that's where it got difficult to write. Revisiting those people and times in my mind was overwhelming and filled me with a sense of loss beyond description. It's just a longing for a simpler time, I suppose. Because things weren't great then either...the passage of years can dull one's perspective and I think we all gloss over the bad things so only the good remains in the forefront.

My sushi should be here soon. Later.