One Saturday I took a walk to Zipperhead

My mom forwarded me an email today that contained a bunch of Philadelphia/South Jersey landmarks that are no longer there. They included The Latin Casino, the Tacony-Palmyra Drive In and other such places of bygone days.

And then I saw the picture of the original Zipperheard.

And did I feel old.

Zipperhead was an awesome store on South Street in Philly that sold Doc Martens, punk clothing and accessories and posters. It was the place to be when I was in high school. And I was there like every weekend.

And now it's made it into a "remember when" email.

Hear Zipperhead immortalized in the Dead Milkmen's Punk Rock Girl. Enjoy!

I'm on sarcastic hiatus

I seem to have overdrawn on my biting wit and sarcastic retort vault.

I just saw an article about The Oscars where the writer referred to Sarah Jessica Parker as "stunning." I search and search and search some more for an equine joke to crack here and I have a bit bowl of nothing. (Stunning? And no, Mr. Magoo did not pen the article.)

My thoughts on celebrating love...again

My thoughts on celebrating love...

Dear St. Valentine,

Your holiday stinks. That is all.

Sincerely,
Jennifer

PS - Why is it I never noticed this holiday until I was jilted? Is this some part of your evil plan to make me feel even more single?

Audrey and Dale, sittin' in a tree...

Andrew bought me Twin Peaks, Season Two for Christmas. I love my gift, but it petrifies me. Season Two is even creepier than Season One and I have been watching many episodes alone at night. You can imagine how I am jumping at every little noise I hear.

Audrey and Special Agent Dale Cooper are my most favorite characters. I love Audrey because she's so damn quirky and retro and Agent Cooper is just so...Agent Cooperish.

If they had only gotten together. Let's face it; they were completely in love and the best couple on the show, even if they weren't a couple.

Eighteen years later and I'm still wishing for them to somehow end up together!

Hold on to someone you love

I said good-bye to 2008 with my family last night at Jess and Chris'. It was a very pleasant and quiet evening filled with talk, video games, movies and a glass of champagne. I cannot deny I missed someone though and I owe him a New Year's smooch still.

It's another brand-new year and who knows what is in store for us all.

I have high hopes for this year...for myself and for all the people I love. Last year had extreme ups and downs and felt, at times, surreal. This year will be filled with many more ups; at least, I hope it will.

When 1999 slipped into 2000 and the world couldn't stop Y2King, we had a quiet New Year's at my mom's. As the ball got mere seconds away from ending it's decent, Dick Clark said, noting the enormity of the moment, "Hold on to someone you love." Chris, Jess, my mom, me, Saffron and Alvin (our old German Shepard) all held on to each other in a human/canine chain and crossed into 2000 together.

Don't forget to hold on to those you love this year, my friends. If 2008 taught me one lesson, it is that love and life can be snatched away from you and you can be left to fill holes in yourself you didn't know could exist.

Love your life, your family and your friends. Be silly, work hard and sleep well. Be dead to nothing and feel everything there is to feel in your heart.

Hold on to someone you love.

Happy New Year.

The Crooked Man

Christmas morning began with me realizing I has fallen asleep on my sofa last night watching television. It was an early decent into slumber - somewhere before George Bailey even realized it really is a wonderful life.

I then sat on the floor with Saffron and let her examine her stocking. Low and behold, Santa had left a rawhide bone in there for her! She snubbed it and ate a snack that my mom had gotten her for Christmas. Trumped once again by Jo-Ann!

I called my mom and wished her a Merry Christmas and then took Saffron for a long walk. On our way back home I saw a little old man, bent over at the waist, placing something in the backseat of a car.

"Merry Christmas," I said.

He looked at me with a smile. And although he was no longer putting things in the back of the car he was still bent over. I realized time and age had made his spine crooked.

"Merry Christmas, honey," he replied.

I have an unwritten rule about men calling me names like "honey" and "sweetheart." If they're over the age of about 70, then it's perfectly fine and a term of endearment. If they're younger, it's patronizing and completely unacceptable. Crooked Man can call me "honey" all he wants and I will never mind.

He looked at Saffron and his eyes danced a moment.

"I had a dog like that once," he told me. "Over 60 years ago now."

"You can pet her if you want to; she's very sweet."

He pet Saffron with wrinkled, old hands that turned red from the cold air. I wondered if he owned gloves and forgot to put them on, or if he needed a pair.

"How old is she?" he asked and I told him she was 13.

"Thirteen," he reflected. "Time goes so fast. I forgot how soft their hair can be."

"She's very soft," I said, unsure of what to say. "We better get going. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," he responded and went back to whatever he was doing in the car.

And so we walked away from the Crooked Man and made our way back home, where Saffron walked right past her new rawhide. Oh well.

Cookie Crumb Christmas

Today was just miserable weather wise. It poured non-stop for about 12 hours! Now, I suppose I shouldn't complain because had it been colder, I'd be up to my eyeballs in snow. I like snow, don't get me wrong, but I would have had to drive 28 miles home from work in it...in a Saturn Coupe. But I digress...

So it was rainy and cold and my commute home hit a massive snag in Cherry Hill, causing me to be about 40 minutes late. And as I sat in traffic I wondered what I would eat for dinner. At first, I planned on a delicious salad with iceberg lettuce, almonds, croutons, chopped red onion and low-fat blue cheese dressing. The longer I sat in traffic, the more calorie-ific my dinner thoughts became. By the time I got home I went total Don Corleone and had a bowl of pasta and garlic bread. I savored each garlic-flavored bite.

After I cleaned up from dinner and took Saffron for a nice walk, I came home and changed into my jammies. I made coffee and remembered that I bought mint chocolate chip cookie dough at Wegman's on Sunday. The Nestle Tollhouse kind that you just break apart and put on a cookie sheet.

So there I lay on my sofa, by the light of my Christmas tree, and my apartment is filling with the smell of baking cookies. And suddenly, the world seemed warm and fuzzy and I felt Christmas. Who would have thought cookie smell had that kind of power?

When you wish upon a star

Every few days my new friend, Jiminy, visits my apartment. That's Jiminy, as in Cricket.

I'm not certain if it's the same cricket who keeps sneaking back in, or if there are multiple crickets in search of good homes in the greater Voorhees area, but I keep finding my little friend.
In the bathtub...in front of my linen closet...next to my bed.

I place a glass on top of the little guy, slide Diane and Mark's wedding invitation under the glass, and throw the bugger out the door. Yes, I always use the wedding invitation. It's the perfect size and the weight of the paper ensures Jiminy won't escape. Diane and Mark did well.

Diane suggested flushing Jiminy. I'm not certain if she's anti-cricket or is tired of me using her wedding invitation to toss his cricket bum out the door.

Living in the Plastic Age

I mentioned to Andrew last night how I keep reading C Jane's blog (check out the link button on my page) to read her take on life and also to keep up-to-date on the recovery of her brother-in-law and sister. They were in a private plane crash and are recovering from severe burns in Mesa, AZ. Part of me finds it odd that I care so deeply about the lives of people I have never met.

For as cynical as the world may seem and as impersonal as the Internet can be, it is possible to really connect through this cyber connection.

My friend, Toni, moved to Arizona in the Summer of 1989. Last winter she found me on MySpace and we've connected all over again. We haven't seen each other in 19 years, but we are a part of each others lives again and it's a great feeling.

I accidentally met my boy through MySpace as well. True, he could have been a crazy person, but he's not. (Perhaps, one day, I will drive him insane though.) Finding and knowing him has made my life so much better than I can tell you.

My cousin, Elizabeth, and I lost touch over the years. And then she moved to Pennsylvania. Through blogging and MySpace, we have become incredibly close again. The same goes for her sister and my cousin, Karen. I hadn't seen or talked to Karen for years and now we've become friends through this powerful medium. She and my friend Toni are also reading and linking to each other's blogs! How cyberific is that?

I guess the moral to this tale is that as disconnected as we may feel in this electronic age, we are as connected -- or possibly more connected -- than we ever were. We'll all capable of finding what we're looking for; we just have to use the right search engine.

(It's not Blogger Challenge, but my title is a song from The Buggles. In case you care.)

The absent blogger

Hello, dear readers.

Yes, I know, I have been a neglectful blogger recently. What can I say? I just stink. I have been very sleepy during the week and super-busy on the weekends. Suddenly, two weeks have passed without word one from moi!

So here I am.

I saw my boy last weekend. I don't write about him much because I don't want him getting all self-conscious because he reads my blog. Let's just say that there's a boy in this world that I think is awesome and I got to spend the weekend with him. Happiness.

Jessie and Chris had a Halloween party Saturday night. All the usual suspects were there...fun was had by all.

There's a new President Elect and I am overjoyed. Change is finally here.

Saturday night is Liz's 40th birthday party and Diane's bachelorette party. Love my girls. I will be at both, God willing.

Crazy Julie stopped by this evening with a gourmet dog cookie in the shape of a donkey for Saffron. Saff's been carrying around her stuffed elephant a lot lately, causing me to suspect she's a Republican. Crazy Julie wanted to change Saff's political affiliation through the cunning use of snacks.

My stupid high school

My high school is doing alumni e-mail blasts to inform us of events. Please see the following and let me know what's wrong:

Camden Catholic High School - Alumni BBQ
We will have TV's set up to view Phillies Game. Come out and cheer for the Phillies then root The Fighting Irish onto victory. The BBQ is free. There is a $3 admission to the football game.

Let's ignore the fact that it's just poorly written. Let's examine the fact that it leaves out vital information like what day and what time.

If I ever seem dumb, just remember that these people were in charge of my education. My mom would cringe at the money she wasted on tuition if she saw this!

I cannot affford life anymore

I had to buy essentials yesterday at Wal-Mart (no bashing me for shopping there.) Prior to my shopping experience, I think you should know that I almost ran a red light because I got so excited when I saw that Super Wa-Wa is charging $2.99 a gallon for regular gas. Getting that excited about that price is just s-a-d.

But I digress...

Here's what I bought:
Bag of dog kibble
10 cans of wet dog food
Doggie treats
Puffs Plus tissues
Paper towels
Halloween candy
Nightlight bulbs
Mini suction cups
Rubber gloves
Lysol toilet bowl cleaner
Shout prewash spray
Trash bags
Always pads
Tampons
Cotton balls
Toothbrush
Deodorant
Venus razor blade refills

Total cost: $96.47!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are you kidding me? I didn't get one fun thing. The razor blades alone were $8.66 for 4 blades. Now, yes, there are cheap disposables that I could use, but I slice my legs apart with those so they are not an option.

The cost of life is killing me!

Learn how to love life that is lived alone

Child of the wilderness

Born into emptiness

Learn to be lonely

Learn to find your way in darkness

Who will be there for you

Comfort and care for you

Learn to be lonely

Learn to be your one companion

- The Phantom of the Opera

Before my brother came into this world, I was an only child for almost ten full years. As such, I learned how to entertain myself and keep myself busy by coloring, reading and pretending. One Christmas, Santa brought me a board game, but I had no one to play with. My mother hates board games and my father was either always physically or mentally absent from my home life. I played the game alone to rules I made up as I went along.

Not much has changed.

You'd think that I would be used to being alone. But I'm not. I hate it. I tried to make an effort to stop eating on my sofa as I watch TV. The other night I set my table -- complete with place mat, stem ware, and cloth napkin -- for one. I thought if I made an effort to make the simple act of eating dinner a prettier experience, I may enjoy it more. Quite the opposite.

The table for one was sad.

Playing board games alone was sad.

I am...sad.

I wish -- nevermind. It's just been a bad day (life).

Rainy days

How do I cope with a day filled with heavy rain and driving winds?

I paint my tootsies r-e-d of course!

Taffy Time

Every summer I buy a small box of Fralingers Salt Water Taffy while in Ocean City, NJ. When I make this purchase I convince myself that the box will last for weeks.

It is with deep shame that I admit I ate the last treat yesterday...Friday. I bought these Sunday night. Well, six days isn't that bad, is it?

I always save a licorice flavor salt water taffy for last. My love for licorice runs deep. It is a food group in my world.

Love, life and happiness

For the past few years I have been feeling rather empty regarding certain aspects of my life. I couldn't quite grasp the reason why other people's lives seemed to moving forward while mine remained in the same gear. The career? Stagnant. The love life? Nonexistent for quite a few years there, but on the mend now. But none of these things have ever come together at the same time. Why? It's not like I ever asked for a lot, you know? Is it too much to want a fulfilling job that pays the bills with a bit left over for fun? Is it too much to be with a man who loves you? And loves you, not despite of your faults, but in spite of them? Is is too much to be able to have a little something special to call your own? Maybe.

A couple of days ago I was searching blog sites for ideas to "redecorate" my blog. I came across a design I liked and so I stopped to read the site a bit. The first entry was complete with a picture of the most beautiful family I have ever seen. A mommy, a daddy and their four children. This family is the kind of family, and forgive me for being so fucking honest, that I am just so jealous of. Jealous that I don't have my own little family like it. There. I said it. Judge me if you must.

And then I read the entry that accompanied the picture. And I was ashamed of my moment of jealousy.

The family is a friend of the blogger whose site I was on. They are the Nielsons of Mesa, Arizona. Stephanie and Christian Nielson, to be precise. And on August 16, 2008, Stephanie and Christian were flying in a private plane over Arizona with Christian's flight instructor. The plane crashed and burst into flames. The flight instructor died. Christian is in critical condition with third degree burns over 30% of his body. Stephanie is also in critical condition with third degree burns over 80% of her body.

I clicked on a link to a site designed to promote awareness of the incident and raise money for the families recovery process. Then I found Stephanie's blog which is currently being updated by family members.

I was captivated by this woman. Although I have major ideological differences than she, Stephanie is a Mormon and I believe a Republican, I remain in awe of her love of her husband and children. She is an amazing mommy and human being who loves her life. It is evident in her words and the pictures she decorates her site with.

Needless-to-say, I have quietly been reevaluating the current state of my life. And while I believe there is much more I am meant to do and be, I am trying to find happiness with where I am right this minute instead of always being upset with where I am not. That's not to say I don't want a family picture of my own one day...it's just that I am trying to make peace with the fact that I haven't posed for one and framed it yet.

Blog makeover!

Well, I tried to make the blog look snazzy. I think I like it, but who knows? Now that I kind of know what I'm doing, we may see many different looks before I settle on a winner.

I'm easy like a Sunday morning

It's Sunday morning. I have taken my little hound for a walk, gotten dressed, eaten a bowl of cereal and consumed delicious coffee.

It's not even 10 am and I am bored. What I should do is tackle my bedroom closet, but instead I am playing online.

Yesterday I went to Macy's with my mom to get a wedding shower gift for Diane, then went to visit my Nanny at the nursing home. While standing in the nursing home lobby waiting for my mom to sign us in, a man in his 60's wheeled up in front of me in his chair, waved his arm (which was missing a hand) in the air, and proceeded to tell me I was very nice to look at. So I have that going for me.

So that was Saturday. I would like to point out at this juncture that NO ONE I called yesterday called me back. I thought Diane and I were going to get together today, but no return call. So it seems that I have no excuse but to clean that closet.

Who wants to bet that the closet is still a mess come this evening?

It's like two, two, two blogs in one!

Brass Balls

If you ever open an antique store and are selling a vintage bed frame, complete with brass bed knobs, it is a good idea to refer to the knobs as brass balls. This has no chance of making me laugh really loud and routing through my handbag for a camera.




Mayhem and Foolishness Revisited

I have an update on the wife who wouldn't allow her husband to watch TV in their house. Clean House will occasionally do an episode where they revisit people's homes again to see if they've fallen back into clutter. When I told my mom how horrible this wife was, she informed me that they were featured in a revisit episode...and they were divorced.

And just to prove that I too have complete mayhem issues, here is a glimpse into my bedroom closet. It is the only place where I have lost complete control. I hate it and am planning on completely cleaning it out within the next week or so. Please do not judge me too harshly, for I am only human.