Dear Diary,

I have been keeping a journal since 1989 or 1990. I have not been very good at it in the past few years, but I wrote like mad in the early days.

I am writing a story that is pulling a lot of detail from my past and I have been using these journals to get a perspective of what a younger person thinks and feels about things. It's kind of painful, but somewhat fun to go back and relive these things. Here are a few bits and pieces of entries from my life:

11-19-92 9:30 am
I'm at school; Philosophy class. I feel like I am dying. I woke up this morning and my head was spinning, my eyes were watering and I couldn't breathe. I took a hot shower and the steam seemed to clear out my lungs a lot. I feel like shit again though. The walk across campus from my car exhausted me and I can hardly breathe again. I'm 20 years old and falling apart. I just have to get through this class and Photography. But I have a ton of developing to do - I'm going to be here forever. There are so many other things I want to write about, but I cannot commit them to paper. We're just drifting apart. Do I care? The scary thing is that I'm not sure if I do.

5-29-93
I saw David last night. It made me sick. Peg called me and told me she ran into him in WaWa and that she and Mike were going to meet him at 10 pm and that I should go. I got there and didn't want to go in, but I did and the sheer sight of him made me nauseous. Peggy thought I didn't want to go because it would be hard to see him again after everything that has happened, but that wasn't it - I didn't want to see him at all. At first I thought I did, but then I sat down and thought about it for a while and realized I didn't. I cannot figure myself out sometimes.

7-5-92
It's about 3 am. I am sitting in a diner in Wildwood with Diane, Travis and Brian. We came down for Fourth of July weekend. Hung out in Ocean City today. I met this really cool boy named Martin from Northfield, NJ...I have no clue where that is, but he gave me his address and number.

Oh God! I didn't tell you what happened Wednesday night! I went to The Troc with Sean, Nick, Darius and Tom. D started looking for everyone at one point to get ready to leave and he sat me down and told me to stay put (I have a tendency to wander when intoxicated and they have lost me before). So there I am waiting and waiting and Tom comes over. I stand up and ask if we're leaving. He smiles at me, pushes me up against the wall and shoves his tongue down my throat. So I go with it. Dear God, that kid can kiss.