My first blog - revisited

Good morning. I was awake super late last night and my mind was racing at a million miles an hour. I am just way too introspective about something right now and what better way to deal with it than to read my old blogs...hmmm, let's see if I can cure the introspectiveness with more introspectiveness.

So, maybe it wasn't the smartest thing to do, but as a chronic observer of behavior, I find it fascinating. I also find it frightening how little I have changed in the past year and a half. I have so much to learn and I am simply the preverbial hampster on the wheel. Read my first blog (below) and you be the judge. With the exception of the statement that my two best friends (my brother, Christopher and my SIL, Jessica) just married each other, everything else pretty much still holds true. And it scares the hell out of me.



Apparently I have a lot to say about life -- my life and life in general. I have also been told that my writing and observations can be entertaining and insightful...sometimes. Other times I can just ramble and ramble like a drunken tart who's slumped over her 7th vodka and Sprite of the evening; mascara dripping into her bloodshot eyes; pining over the one who got away. Yeah, it's not always a pretty picture.

So here is my virgin blog on this site. I figure I should tell you a bit about myself to start with.

I am 34, but I still live my life like an 18-year-old. I was recently told by a "friend" that my life is meaningless and I should grow up, get married, buy a house and have children. I don't talk to her much anymore.

I am the person who had an incredible amount of potential, but somehow slipped through the cracks when it came to becomming the person I was meant to be.

If I could live anywhere and do anything? I would live in London and star as Eponine in Les Miserables in the West End. I actually live in New Jersey and write advertising copy...it's all very glamorous and exciting.

My two best friends just married each other. I am in complete awe of them.

Somehow I have become a man repeller. I don't know how and when it happened, but it did. This should actually bother me more than it does. It bothers me at odd moments. Like the other night I was in my bedroom and there was an icky bug on the floor. I had to get rid of it myself. I am tired of doing everything myself. It would just be nice to have someone to get rid of the bugs in my apartment once in a while. (It sounds like I live in an infested dump. I don't. I have a really cute place.) And maybe someone to sit next to me in the dark as we watch horror movies...and when something scary happens I could bury my face in the sleeve of their shirt and catch a faded wiff of their cologne...maybe Obsession...

My idea of "attractive" is not conventional in the least. The more talented or interesting someone is, the hotter they become. For example, I have a school-girl crush on Terry Jones. Yeah, you don't know who he is...he was in Monty Python...and he's like 65-years-old. BUT, he's super-duper smart, went to Oxford and has done a million amazing things.

I also have a major thing for musicians; especially bass players. They are like Kryptonite.

I have an addictive personality. If I like something I want to do it all the time. Which is why I don't gamble and seriously have to watch how often I drink. My addiction is smoking. Horrible, I know. I quit once for like 8 months. I was miserable for 8 months. Then I tried to quit again earlier this year. That didn't work out so well either.

On a positive note, I have identified all the things about my life that I don't like and one by one I am addressing them and turning them around. Some things are much harder than others.

It took me 34 years to realize that I am a work in progress and once I realized that, I became a much happier person.

So there it is...a crash course on the life of Jennifer. Sometimes it's interesting, sometimes it's not, but it's me.