Child of the wilderness
Born into emptiness
Learn to be lonely
Learn to find your way in darkness
Who will be there for you
Comfort and care for you
Learn to be lonely
Learn to be your one companion
- The Phantom of the Opera
Before my brother came into this world, I was an only child for almost ten full years. As such, I learned how to entertain myself and keep myself busy by coloring, reading and pretending. One Christmas, Santa brought me a board game, but I had no one to play with. My mother hates board games and my father was either always physically or mentally absent from my home life. I played the game alone to rules I made up as I went along.
Not much has changed.
You'd think that I would be used to being alone. But I'm not. I hate it. I tried to make an effort to stop eating on my sofa as I watch TV. The other night I set my table -- complete with place mat, stem ware, and cloth napkin -- for one. I thought if I made an effort to make the simple act of eating dinner a prettier experience, I may enjoy it more. Quite the opposite.
The table for one was sad.
Playing board games alone was sad.
I am...sad.
I wish -- nevermind. It's just been a bad day (life).
3 comments:
Isn't it ironic that we're talking more frequently now and live further apart then we've ever been? I love you so very much. Sad sucks, I'm sorry you feel that way. I wish I could come over and kick your ass in Chutes and Ladders.
If I didn't love Drew so much, I'd punch him in the nose for taking you so far away from me! Believe me, the irony hasn't been lost on me. Word of warning...I am a Chutes and Ladders champ.
Sometimes I feel lonely and I'm surrounded by so many. But often times, no one takes care of the mother.
I'm sorry you had a bad day. Thank goodness nothing lasts forever- today will be a better day.
Post a Comment